


Everything (comes back to you)

by maerose



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, ballum - Freeform, ben is a mess but also cute, callum is not giving up on this man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maerose/pseuds/maerose
Summary: Ballum fix-it fic, based on the spoilers for this week.Callum's on a date and Ben's not handling it too well.Or: Ben is a mess.And also, Callum is not giving up on him.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	Everything (comes back to you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Excuse the lame and cliche title. It'd been listing to a playlist while writing this and while the mood of a lot of songs helped with the writing, none of the lyrics actually seemed to match it. So I went with this.
> 
> This is how I imagine the whole date scenario going. Or better yet, this is how I want the date-scenario to end with a Ballum reunion. Because Ben is my bb and I don't know how much more of this sadness I can take.
> 
> *weeps*
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> Please leave a comment if you can, they mean the world..

He’d been sitting there for about an hour, very intently _not_ watching Callum on his date. Instead he sat at the bar with shoulders hunched and folding in on himself. Watching as the line indicating how much beer he had left sunk lower and lower toward the bottom of the bottle. Mick sent him a worried glance every now and then, before sending an _equally_ worried look over Callum’s way. At least, that’s what Ben told himself.

He’d passed _tipsy-but-alright_ miles ago. His head was now filled with smoke and fog and no way out, occasional wisps of Callum’s voice cutting through it like a piercing blade (or maybe like a ray of sunshine). Heard him huff a quiet laugh at something the other bloke said – and it hurt, it hurt – but he couldn’t help but feel a little vindicated. See, Ben _knew_ every possible nuance to the vast repertoire of Callum’s laughs and this… this was just being polite. Because Callum would never leave someone hanging, too afraid to offend their feelings.

Ben… well, Ben could ease a proper full-body laugh out of him, head thrown back and eyes watering, nearly cracking his skull against the headboard after a particularly intense round of hanky-panky. Callum loose-limbed and sated, Ben the happiest he’d ever been, drawing lazy circles on his boyfriend’s chest. He knew that if anyone had taken a close enough look at him, they’d have found actual stars dancing in his eyes.

His fingers travelled to the bottle once more, tracing the path of a droplet of condensation falling down. He swiped at it, pressed it into the paper label that had become a little bit soggy from time passed. He started picking at it, annoyed when it didn’t come clean off, leaving sticky residue against the green and on the tips of his own fingers.

He should let this happen.

Give Callum a fresh start and a clean break – a break he’d forced himself, mind you. Pushed at Callum, pushed at him some more. Try to blink away the tears in his eyes and the knife in his heart and the look on Callum’s face. The feeling of safety and belonging that had engulfed him just a few days ago, pressed close together in the portacabin. He’d wanted to disappear forever, leave everything behind. He’d vaporize, and just stay nestled in the crook of Callum’s elbow or the ticklish spot behind his left ear. In the dip between his thumb and index finger, stroking Ben’s cheek tenderly.

He ventured a glance to where they were sitting. Callum’s date was leaning closer to him than he’d been before, but he – of course – remained completely oblivious. Even after all this time, Callum still didn’t understand the effect he could have on people. It was one of the softest things about him. Ben loved it so much, he needed to protect it, and every other little inch of him. Even if it meant killing himself in the process.

So he couldn’t really explain why he suddenly found himself at their table. “Right, we need to talk.”

Callum looked at him, a little confused and a lot fed up. “Now’s not really a good time, Ben.”

“Oh, no, now’s the best time.” He threw a dirty look in the direction of Callum’s plus-one. “Terribly sorry, needs must and all that. Callum?”

“Hang on,” the stranger said. “Who d’you think you are?”

Not being able to bear the idea of being labeled 'the ex', he bit out “I’m his mate, alright?”.

Callum huffed at that, bit his lip and looked the other way. Shook his head almost imperceptibly, then pushed from his seat and stormed out, Ben following at a leisurely pace. A lot of eyes watched their actions unfold, no doubt wondering as to how Ben would mess it up even further. Though some, he hoped, might be rooting for him, just a little, too.

Callum’s features made a stark contrast to the night air and what little light shone down from a half-waxed moon. He was pacing excitedly, right in the middle of the street. It made Ben worried for him, but mostly it was making him dizzy, the alcohol in his system catching up to him in a swift rush.

He closed his eyes briefly. “Sorry, would you mind stopping for a second?”

Thankfully, Callum did, though the action seemed to shifted his mood as well. He went from anxious to angry in the blip of a heartbeat.

“So you’re my ‘mate’ now, that it?”

Ben chuckled at the way Callum had used those gorgeous long fingers to add pressure to his words. “Those are some pretty intense air quotes, babe.”

Callum deflated at the endearment, all the air and all the fight going out of him in the second it had taken for Ben to unthinkingly use it.

He blinked slowly, averted his eyes. “You can’t keep doing this, Ben.” He looked at him, trying to make him see – some sort of sense, he supposed. Futile. “You can’t keep pushing me away then making some claim on me when…”

“I know,” Ben said, taking a step forwards, holding his hands up in a sign of surrender. “It’s just… I know _I’m_ not good enough for ya, but that idiot in there ain’t come close either.”

“Right.” Callum nodded, his eyebrows pulling together. “And you can tell just by lookin’ at him, can ya?”

Ben gave him a look that said it was perfectly obvious. “He don’t know ya.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t -”

His head was still spinning. Surely the alcohol should’ve dissolved by now? “No he couldn’t.”

“Right.” Callum said again. He was so close to Ben now; both of them were shouting. When had that happened? Ben couldn’t remember. “So _you’re_ not good enough, _he’s_ not good enough. Anyone ever going to be?”

“No, they ain’t.” Ben said, placing his hands to either side of Callum’s face, cradling it softly. It was the best prize in the world, and he couldn’t have it.

“No they ain’t, Callum. Because you’re _beautiful_ and _kind_ and _amazing in just about every way_. And I’m completely in love with ya. And there’s never gonna be anyone in the world that actually deserves all the stuff you give out.”

Callum stilled. “Hang on, say that again?”

“Orright, calm down big ego.” Ben rolled his eyes. “You’re beautiful an’ kind and amazing. And I know for some reason that still comes as bloody _news_ to ya..”

“No…no, not that.” He smiled. “The part you said you’re in love with me.”

Panic rose in his chest. His hands dropped immediately. Damn beers. “Errr… don’t think I said anything of the kind, mate.”

“Yes you did.” Callum was beaming, a grin so wide it would no doubt split his face apart if he kept it on for too long.

So Ben told him just that. “You know if the clock strikes your face’ll freeze that way.”

He felt defeated. “Look, even if I did, it don’t change anything, do it?” He balled his hands into fists by his side to keep from shaking. “You're still too good, Callum, I’m not gonna ruin ya.”

“You’re wrong,” Callum said. “ it changes everything. It proves I was right, you’re just scared. But I’m not letting you go.” His hands closed over Ben’s, Callum’s fingers caressing them until they unfurled from their clenched position. “I’m not letting you go, Ben.” He repeated. “Whatever it is you’ve done.. I’m not sayin’ I don’t care, but we’ll get through it. You can’t deal with this on your own, it’ll break ya.”

Ben bit his tongue, turned away. “Well, whatever you’re thinking, it’s worse.”

“Your dad punched out Jack ‘cause he though he was the baby’s dad, yeah? I don’t imagine he’d let Keanu breathe when he realized.”

Ben raised his eyebrow at the matter-of-fact way the words’d been spoken.

Like it was no more than a fact. With no consequences or blame or possible jail time.

“Copper like you can hardly have a boyfriend with that on his record, can he?”

Callum gave him a small and private smile. “See, the thing is…I’m not gonna be a copper no more.”

That was even worse. “Giving up your dream to be with…”

“Nah, see..” Callum interrupted him. “I’ve been thinking these past few weeks, being away from ya. ‘Bout why I wanted to be a copper in the first place. And I just… I want to help people, Ben. Be ‘ _of service_ ’, like. I’m not doing that at the parlour where I just apply balm after the wounds, I wanna stop the hurt from happening in the first place.” He squeezed Ben’s hand. “I don’t wanna save people from criminals, Ben. I wanna save ‘em from themselves.”

His eyes were wide and trusting. “Like when I talked Bobby down. Or who I was before I met you. Or who you’d be if it wasn’t for ya dad. I’ve been there, I know. I think I might be good at pulling people out.”

“And I’m not perfect like you think, Ben. I’m broken same as you…”

When Ben started to protest this, he shushed him. “No I’m not. D’you wanna know how many times I still wake up from nightmares ‘bout what I did in the army?”

What? “You never…”

“Never when I’m with you.” Callum acknowledged. “Wanna know why that is, Ben? It’s ‘cause you make me feel safe. I’m not scared when I’m around you.” He smiled at him. “You do that for me.”

“Callum…”

“I’m gonna kiss you now.” Callum said, without even the slightest tremor in his voice. Only confidence and – Jesus Christ, so much _love_ shining through. “We’re going to forget these past weeks ever happened.”

He gave Ben a cheeky smile. “And you’re coming home with me tonight.”

Ben grinned. “Bit confident, are ya?”

“Got every reason to be,” Callum told him, taking the smaller man into his arms. Ben suppressed a shiver as Callum kissed the top of his nose, nuzzled the tender spot between his eyes, before pulling back. “This guy I like just told me he loves me back. Don’t need to know anything else, really.”

He paused.

“Now come ‘ere you big grizzly bear.”

The statement was followed by small laugh.

This, Ben knew, this was one of the good ones. He’d treasure the sound forever.

-

(Later, there’d be a discussion about how Ben in NO WAY could qualify as a ‘big grizzly bear’. Callum would tease him, attempting every pet name within the realm of possibility. He was thinking something along the lines of a fuzzy, cute koala bear. But they didn’t need to settle on anything just now, he said. They had years and years and years.)

**Author's Note:**

> HI AGAIN!
> 
> Really hope you enjoyed that and that it at least makes a bit of sense!
> 
> This is how I'm coping with the whole Ballum being apart thing. Also, I sort of wanted to give a further backstory to Callum wanting to be a copper? And kind of eliminating the copper-bit? ha! It just seems like a really big hurdle for their relationship and I like to send hurdles into oblivion and set my boys on a smooth sailing course.
> 
> Also I think Callum would be a wonderful counselor/or anything mental health-related.Because I think most often the people who sort of know where you're coming from are the best for helping you escape that place yourself...


End file.
